Tommy Chaiken;The Nightmare of Steroids in Sports Illustrated.

This was the most sensationalistic steroid story SI ever published up to that time.A harrowing first person account of a college football named Tommy Chaiken.It's essentially a horror story of a man driven mad by demon steroids.
Sadly the young man did take a truck load of drugs,and make himself very sick in the process.
This story was written in the aftermath of the Ben Johnson Olympic steroid scandal.The press was hot on the trail for stories of steroid abuse.SI found a big one in the University of South Carolina Gamecocks Football team.

The Nightmare of Steroids.

The Nightmare of Steroids in SI

                  
This is the original magazine layout from the SI Archives.I can't find the story on the site as a plain transcripted article.I don't know why? It seems as though I can find full table of contents,and articles for most issues I've looked at.This article isn't listed in this issue's table of contents,or transcribed.
If you want to read it you will have to go to the site,and read it in the original.
The story was written by Rick Telander,who had a football focus.The article was illustrated with excellent water color paintings by Jeffrey Smith.
It's told in the first person by Tommy Chaiken a young man who played for the Gamecocks college football team from 1984-1987.

It opens with Chaiken sitting on his bed with a gun under his chin.He had degenerated so far into a state of severe anxiety that he was at the breaking point.Panicking,incapable of functioning.His father talked to him from the other side of the door,and calmed him down.That's a very dramatic way to start a story.
How did he get there? It took awhile.About three years of savage tackles,drugs,and wild behavior.
He was a successful high school football player who came to a big division one college team.He was put through the smashing machine of football training to toughen the players up for a much higher level of play.
They were pushed hard to show they were willing to fight.
"If you showed a violent nature,regardless of your athletic ability,it definitely swayed the coaches opinions in your favor."
Chaiken felt the pressure to measure up.He wanted to be lean,and fast.Instead he just got pushed around.

Tackled during practice

The players were practicing in the heat.Drills,and more drills.Trying to find any shade.Sometimes dropping from exhaustion.Chaiken passed out in a huddle once.
The head coach,Joe Morrison,Standing on the sidelines dressed in black.Smoking.
"I think his smoking was kind of a poor example for us,as far as drugs are concerned."
( Now I do have to chuckle at that.Kid,that was not the impetus for you to use steroids! ) 

The subject of steroids came up early.Joking references.A knowing mention from an older player.But Chaiken didn't really know anything about it,or want to,at first.
But the message got through.The defensive line coach Jim Washburn said "Do what you have to do,take what you have to take."
After Chaiken started using Washbun noticed his 25 pound weight gain " You look great!".
Chaiken responded "Yeah,I've begun the chemical warfare."
 "People who say steroids don't work don't know what they're talking about.You've got to experience   it to know what I mean.Your muscles swell;they retain water and they just grow.You can work out much harder than before,and your muscles don't get as sore.You're more motivated in the weight room and you've got more energy because of the psychological effects of the drug."
Chaiken goes into the predictable story of drugs,cycles,injections,pills,and his increasing strength,and weight gain.He becomes one of the Big guys.He starts selling to others.He's drinking,trying cocaine,and LSD.He played a game with a xylocaine injection in his injured toe.Numbed during the game,in agony after.Players were becoming bloated,and having cramps trying to run.Keith Kephart,the strength coach,asked who was using Anadrol? Players raised their hands .He warned them about it.Said they could come to him for counseling.But he didn't stop them.
They were needle happy boys having pinning parties in their dorm rooms.You do me,I'll do you.
(sounds like the plot of a video 'pin party boys' )
By the spring of '84 Chaiken was being called Quasibloato.Benching almost 500lbs.Squatting more than 600lbs.The weightlifting meet for the team was called the 'Iron Cocks'.
The two themes for the rest of the story are violence,and illness.
The violence stories.He's edgy,and hyper aggressive.
He beats up a marine in a bar.
Players are getting drunk,and headbutting car windows.
He gets into a fight in an alley,and the man pulls a knife on him.Cuts him.
He and his buddies go out in the countryside to shoot signs,mailboxes,a cow.
Fights cops in Fort Lauderdale.Loses.Ends up in court.They let 'the fighting gamecock' go.
He bashes up his room with a baseball bat.
Pulls a gun on a random pizza boy.
Here is the classic steroid psycho.But I'm smelling a whiff  of something.He just pulls a shotgun on a pizza boy without any further consequences?
I know there were,and are,some wild goings on with college football teams.But it's still a little hard to believe there isn't some exaggeration in this litany of mayhem.I don't know how well they were capable of fact checking his stories.
The illness,and injuries were profound too.
He gradually collapsed into a heap of malfunctioning rubble.
His blood pressure was high.A common problem with AAS.Worse the doctor was hearing a heart murmur.
He developed colitis,and was bleeding rectally.
Often was sick with pneumonia,bronchitis,and exhaustion.
He left a game once with chest pain,and cold sweats.
At the end of that season he had to have knee surgery.
In his third varsity season when he came back he started using again,and it went from bad to horrible.
His blood pressure shot up,and he was having hot flashes.
Then he had a small tumor removed from his hand.The doctor said it was caused by steroids.( !? )
The college wouldn't pay for it because it wasn't football related.He got angry,and quit the team.
For awhile.Then he apologized to coach Morrison and came back.His sense of self worth was still tied up with playing.
His anxiety problem kept getting more intense.He was becoming crippled by panic attacks.
 "I can't really describe an attack,except to say it's like your mind is a car engine stuck in                     neutral,with the gas pedal to the floor,just screaming.There is terror mixed in,and  you think that you're going to explode.The anxiety attacks were the worst mental pain I'd ever experienced."
He said at this point he had only recently had one shot of Parabolin in the last five months.
But he was having repeated episodes of anxiety attacks,and hiding in his room just trying to get through them.Numb,paranoid,ears whooshing,seeing a gray colorless world.He was contemplating suicide.
He forced himself through a few games,and then quit in the third quarter of a game against Virginia.His mind was a muddle.
He was sent home to see a psychiatrist.He was put on stelazine  ( an antipsychotic )by one doctor,and an added antidepressant by another.He didn't feel better.He collapsed one day at college,and lost control of his bladder,and bowels.
He was finished.His father came,and brought him home at this time.

This story had a hell of an impact at the time.It changed many of the lives of those involved.Most people didn't have any idea how anabolic steroids could affect a user.It was a shocking revelation to the average sports fan.I certainly was shocked by it.
It's possible that there are elements of exaggeration in the story.But Chaiken's drug usage looks like it damn near killed him.
I would want to bring up a few points.
He was stacking multiple Anabolic Androgenic Steroids.The usual list of popular drugs at the time.Also taking large dosages.
He was drinking alcohol.
He may have had preexisting undiagnosed  psychiatric conditions.
The psychiatric drugs he started taking may ( probably did ) affect him.
He was playing football.We now know that many,if not most,football players are at risk for Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy.He reported feelings of dizziness,and headaches.He may had a concussion.It's possible that was a factor in his illness.
We'll never know the full details on his health.But he did live,and returned to health eventually.

The immediate impact of the story was an investigation,and Indictment of several coaches,and Chaiken's drug dealer.From the New York Times.

Indicted were the defensive line coach, James W. Washburn, 39 years old; the tight end coach, Thomas Kurucz, 42; the defensive coordinator, Thomas E. Gadd, 42, and Keith Kephart, 44, the strength and conditioning coach.

A fifth person indicted was John Landon Carter, of Bethesda, Md., who was charged with dispensing anabolic steriods to four former Gamecock players: Tommy Chaikin, David Poinsett, Heyward Myers and George Hyder.

From the Los Angeles Times.

"Today's indictments highlight the growing problem of the illegal use of anabolic steroids and the abuse of them by college athletes," U.S. Atty. Gen. Dick Thornburgh said in a prepared statement."

 Here's the sentencing from the NYT

COLUMBIA, S.C., Aug. 10— Three former South Carolina assistant football coaches were sentenced today for their convictions stemming from the use and distribution of steroids within the athletic department. Their sentences ranged from three months to six months in a halfway house.

United States District Judge G. Ross Anderson also sentenced John L. Carter of Bethesda, Md., who was convicted of similar charges, to three months at a community security facility.

Among the coaches, Tom Kurucz received the harshest sentence: six months in a halfway house and three years' probation. Jim Washburn and Keith Kephart were sentenced to three months in a halfway house and given three-year probationary terms.

Kephart, 44, was South Carolina's strength coach from 1982 to 1988, and Washburn, 39, was a Gamecock assistant from 1982 to 1988. Kurucz, 42, was at South Carolina from 1982 to 1986.

The grand jury investigation of steroid use in the school's athletic department was prompted by disclosures by Tommy Chaikin, a former Gamecock football player, in an article in Sports Illustrated last fall.

Head Coach Joe Morrison died of a heart attack shortly after the story came out.This is the story on the anniversary of his death including the original local paper story.
He had claimed not to have knowledge of the drug usage of the players.
His former assistant coaches talked about his legacy.They basically said he let the players get away with bad behavior as long as they could show up to play.An unfortunate,but not uncommon attitude among college football coaches.

Jim Washburn went on to coach in the NFL for many years.He was with the Tennessee Titans,the Philadelphia Eagles,and the Detroit Lions.
He got fired from the Eagles for not getting along with the other coaches ( I guess it doesn't it doesn't go over well to call a guy Juanita )See story on the NFL site.
See this story from NBC Sports.
He kept working as a coach at a very high level.But clearly he didn't make a good impression on everyone.He was given a second chance others weren't.

Keith Kephart said he knew about the steroid use in this Chicago Tribune article.
He never worked in coaching again,and moved back to South Carolina to be a personal trainer.
See this Jayhawk Slant story.
He had been the president of the National Strength and Conditioning Association.NSCA
He went from a liked,and successful college strength coach to a personal trainer with a record because of this.

Tom Kurucz ;I didn't find any record of a return to coaching.

Tom Gadd ; had coached before at the University of Utah.He said they had a made players,and their parents sign a consent form for the use of steroids.This seemed to come out during his trail in South Carolina.See LA Times story.
Another AP story  on Gadd,and Washburn stated they were helping the players get the steroids.
Here's a a story where Gadd defends himself and says he tried to get them to stop using.
Gadd went on to coach back at Utah,and other colleges.He was then hired as head coach at Bucknell University.He had a long successful career there.He died at the age of 56 in 2003 of a brain tumor.
See this story on his death.
It's good to see he took the opportunity to redeem himself.

On the consent form?
Amazing.I've never heard of there being any consent forms/legal waivers being used in college football for steroid usage.This was in the early 80's before there was extensive knowledge about steroids.Imagine getting American parents to sign something like that now.I wonder if anyone will be made to sign a waiver for CTE in football?

Chaiken did mention his friend George Hyder several times in the story.He,and George were lifting buddies,and usually up to the same shenanigans.( and by shenanigans I mean drug use,vandalism,and cow shooting )
Hyder,and the other players weren't prosecuted.
I tired to find out what happened to Hyder.I think I've found him.
He served in the Military.Then became a personal trainer,and Yoga instructor.
Here is a dedication in a friends book on yoga.
He died  at the age of 37 in 2001.See obituary.The birth year would be consistent with the time he would have been in college.
What I learned from George Hyder a remembrance from his friends in yoga would confirm his having been the George Hyder who played for the Gamecocks.

Tommy Chaiken

Now what became of Tommy Chaiken.
I think it's revealing to look at this excellent article by journalist Sally Jenkins.
This is from March 1989. A South Carolina Scandal.
He's down 50lbs and working as a landscaper back in his home state of Maryland.
He received plenty of blow back from the story besides the legal ramifications including hate mail,and threats.South Carolina Athletic Director King Dixon  said he "defamed" the school.
Dixon;

"That article was like a 2,000-pound bomb going off," Dixon said. "It was devastating to South Carolina. It's tainted us, it's had a tremendous adverse effect as far as what other people think of us. We're still trying to assess the damage. We've had intense negative publicity. There's been a full-fledged investigation of allegations that are still unfounded. And we've gotten a clean bill of health."

It really rocked the Gamecocks,and all of college football.

Jenkins brings up an important point in revealing the fact that Chaiken was paid for the story.
4,500 for the original SI story.
And..

"Sports Illustrated paid his legal fees, which Managing Editor Mark Mulvoy said were about $20,000. Anders said the magazine could be accused of a conflict of interest in advising Chaikin legally, but Mulvoy said the player was informed of all the dangers in publishing his story, including criminal charges."

Chaiken also admitted he had been hoping for a book deal.( which he never got )
He said he told the truth besides a few figures he may have mistaken.He also admitted he regretted naming friends,and making them feel like he was pointing fingers.But he maintained his intent was to expose the drug problem.Not personal gain.
Chaiken;

"I think I helped more people than I hurt," he said. "When you expose something like that, certain people are going to be uprooted."

 Jim Washburn said in the team's defense;

"We had a bunch of great kids, I thought. No different from the average college kids."

I found this update from 2005 by Pete Iocobelli of Associated Press.
2005 story on Tommy Chaiken.
 He's in good health,and married with kids.
And there's still resentment toward him.
Todd Ellis the team quarterback said;

"No question there was betrayal, hurt and surprise,” said Ellis, an attorney. “If he had problems, he should’ve come to the team and talked instead of bringing in third parties. I’m not sure what the gain was for Tommy Chaikin. ... Nobody understood.”

 Ellis made a good point about the consciousness of steroids then,and later.

Ellis said, ... public’s knowledge about steroids wasn’t close to what’s out there now. “It’s like the difference between a smoker in the 1960s and the knowledge there is now,”

This article was one small reason the knowledge changed.
It was shocking,and pulled back the cover on a world of drug pumped crazy college boys.
I do think it's a story told in a tone of sensationalism.Wild,and harshly dramatic.
That doesn't mean it's not largely accurate to what happened.Football hammers people.
I do feel sorry for the poor guy.He blew his life up.He's lucky he landed on his feet.


(Dec,17) I want to note that someone commented the shooting of the cow was accidental.

Ben Johnson at the 1988 Seoul Olympic Games.

In 1988 sprinter Ben Johnson was caught using an Anabolic-Androgenic Steroid during the Seoul Summer Olympic games.
It was a massive story at the time.He didn't just win the race.He left them in the shadows.He blitzed them.
Most of these runners were probably doping.But he got caught.

He was stripped of his gold medal.
The fact is he physically won that race.That's what happened.
But he tested positive for a banned substance.History erased on paper.

This was a watershed moment in sports history.
Before;most people probably hadn't heard of steroids,after everyone had.
They were shocked,and became suspicious,and cynical.
People don't like to be made fools of and they felt like they had.They didn't know what was going on behind the scenes in high level sports.
The evidence of the East German doping program had been noticed by those following international sport.But before the fall of East Germany all the records,and revelations were yet to see the full light of day.
This was the time when people realized how much of a difference doping an athlete could make.At least that was the perception.That Ben Johnson was a kind of Stanozolol powered Superman.
Who knows how these athletes would have performed if they were all perfectly natural?
Ben Johnson might have still won.We'll never know.

Here's the Sports Illustrated covering the story at the time.
The loser

Here's the famous cover Busted.

I think it's worth looking at the history of the increased awareness of AAS use in sports.It has certainly effected the view of bodybuilding,weightlifting,and physiques in general.
People have become intensely suspicious of anyone with muscular size.
To be a muscular human now seems to attract accusations of being a 'cheater'.
I think too many people overreact ,and howl "Roids! You can't fool me!"
Clearly people have been fooled in the past over all kinds of subjects.They'll get fooled again by many more.
Better more informed opinions than jumping to conclusions if you ask me.

I'll post a few more stories of interest on this period.

Kratom - my experimentation with taking it.

This may be a controversial issue to discuss.But what the hell.It's not like anyone is reading this anyway :)
I've been trying Kratom lately.
I recently posted about my chronic pain from years of weightlifting,and playing tennis.
I do take a Hydrocodone/ Ibuprofen medication for the pain sometimes.This is an opioid pain killer.
I almost always only take half a tablet.It's an effective medication for pain.But it's strong enough that it's hard to workout with a full dose in my system.
Before that I was taking a lot of Ibuprofen.Probably too much.Too much Aspirin before that.
Fortunately the Aspirin didn't seem to cause me any problems.I have a good stomach.
But in the long run NSAIDS can stress the system.Taking Acetaminophen( Tylenol ),and drinking alcohol is not good for your kidneys.At least it's risky.
I didn't take Tylenol.I don't think it's a good drug frankly.
Ibuprofen is an effective painkiller.But again taking higher doses of medications for a long period of time can be concerning.When I was taking enough to reduce my menstrual cramp pain,it would make me feel slightly uncomfortable from it after a few days.I guess I would describe it as stuffy headed,and icky.Of course menstrual periods make you feel nasty anyway.For the most part I've had a good experience with Ibuprofen.

So on to my recent use of Kratom.
I had a period of time when I didn't have a refill on my usual medication.Kratom had been in the news a lot,and I started looking into it.
Chris Bell , the director of the film 'Bigger,Stronger,Faster' is making a documentary on it.He has had an opioid  problem in the past.He's had severe hip problems,and replacement surgery.He made the documentary 'Prescription Thugs' about the issue of pharmaceutical companies,and doctors encouraging the use of powerful drugs.I haven't seen the movie yet.I'll try to watch it sometime.
I understand the point of view.I think the problem of opiate addiction is very complex,and multicausal.Not only bad intentions from Pharma,and irresponsible doctors.I wonder if obese,over stressed,and depressed America is really having a pain crises? I think that's possible.
I know Americans are relatively spoiled when you look at the global picture.But I think the pain is not imaginary,or mere self indulgence.
This is also a nation of athletes who play contact sports,and we have many suffering veterans.
Maybe I just don't have the heart to condemn people for their agony,and grief.I don't think anyone wants to become addicted.
But opiates are strong drugs that can cause real physical problems.They seem to change the way the body perceives pain.It's normal for people to develop a tolerance for opiates.But it can become worse and develop into Hyperalgesia.It's beyond my knowledge level to go into details.But it's the frightening effect of long term opiate use causing a worse pain problem.
 It's horrible to think there are people who have pain problems then have worse pain because of the painkillers.The human body is just great,isn't it?

So I ordered a sample pack of Kratom to see what it would do.It included;Red Vein Maeng Da,Green Vein Malay,White Vein Bali,and White Vein Maeng Da.I'm a long time taker of various supplements.Most of them are over rated,and not worth it.I'm reasonably cautious.But I'm willing to give things a try.
( I do want to point out that Kratom is legal where I live.Also I don't take recreational drugs )

Kratom is unquestionably effective.
It certainly feels like it's activating the brain's opiate receptors.It does clearly have the feeling of pleasure,euphoria,and warmth that opiates can induce.
But it feels softer,and rounder in a way.More diffuse,and relaxing.
Pharmaceutical opiates are strong,and pointed in their impact.They have the feel of a targeted drug doing what it's designed to do.That's not a criticism.Just fact.
There are claims that the different strains of Kratom have different effects.I'm not sure I really noticed that.Maybe it effects different people in different ways.
It's said to make you more alert,and yet relieve pain.I didn't find what I took particularly energizing.But it didn't make me feel like I was going to fall asleep either..Not at all.I didn't feel out of control.Merely softened,and relaxed.
I took a dose of about 1/4 tsp of Red Vein Maeng Da and proceeded to lift weights.It was a leg session with squats.No problems.I did have some pain relief from it.But I didn't feel dopey.
I could,and usually can,feel some degree of pain in my hip joints most of the time.It's just a question of getting it down to a manageable level when I lift.It's more of an issue on leg days of course.
I also tried taking the other strains in slightly higher doses when I didn't have to lift.I did notice the White Vein Bali was very relaxing.Good bye anxiety!

It would certainly be worth experimenting with people who have severe problems with anxiety,and depression to see if Kratom would help them.I wonder if it would help people with OCD,Anxiety,PTSD,Insomnia,Anorexia,Anhedonia  etc..?
Who knows?
But we live in a society that would allow them to take SSRIs,and drown themselves in booze before they would be allowed to take a plant.
I'm still amazed we're seeing an improvement in the decriminalization of marijuana.
I hate to think this is all really due to the greed of pharmaceutical companies.We live in a country that seems to place financial interest before all else.That's a tragedy.But I'm sure the drug companies think they can create better,more precise,drugs than can be found in nature.True,scientific drug manufacturing has improved human life immensely.I'm absolutely not anti-science.But that doesn't excuse unfairly barring people from using natural substances when appropriate.
Evolution has been at it's work a long time.
We can't have the arrogance to destroy individual liberty when people are seeking relief from pain,and disease.It's not a noble cause to protect society from the right to control their own bodies.
I never get over the fundamental refusal from the Right,and the Left to respect personal autonomy.
I'd rather see people educated,and allowed to exercise their liberty,than unnecessarily frightened and protected from 'themselves'. It may be well-intentioned.
I just don't think it works.You end up infantilizing society.

Now in all seriousness;Kratom could cause problems.I doubt it would be as addictive as pharmaceutical opiates.But that doesn't mean people couldn't become dependent.I don't have the information on that.It might be too soon to tell.
Of course you wouldn't want people to take it just to get high,and be useless.
I wouldn't want minors taking it unless under medical supervision.
There could be some reasonable restrictions,or expectations for usage.Though it does seem like we have a major problem with common sense usage of anything in America.
That's what I'm afraid of.It's either legal,and everybody finds out about it,or it's criminalized.
Why does everything have be classified as good and legal,or bad and criminal?
If the media goes into a panic frenzy that will set the politicians off to dog pile on it as a menace.
I'd bet on it.
America hates a 'junkie'.
I just remembered the late great comedian George Carlin's line about a 'Commie Fag Junkie'.
If American politicians get a whiff of the dreaded spectre of bums getting high,look out.

At least the DEA has relented for now.
We'll see.
Can America please agree it beats the hell out of oding on Fentanyl?


A few more practical points;
This stuff was as fine as baby powder.And it's very hard to mix with anything.You could say it's        hydrophobic just to have the opportunity to use that word.It hates water.
It can be mixed with applesauce,or pudding,or even ketchup.It takes patience to mix.It doesn't have a pleasant flavor,or texture.It's dusty,but tends to clump together in the mouth.
The only thing I can remember that it tasted like was a supplement called Horny Goat Weed (epimedium)
It's not a horrible taste.It's just a little bitter.
It will stick to a silver spoon.Use a plastic spoon to take it if you're going to be simply putting it into your mouth.
You can take about a 1/4 - 1/2 tsp dose in your mouth and then take a swig of a non-carbonated drink like a fruit juice,or Crystal Light.Swish it around vigorously in your mouth,and swallow slowly,and carefully.Don't gulp it.And wash it down well.
Don't get it up your nose either.That would be a bad time.
It can be made into a tea.Put it into brewed tea in a cup.Or mix it with an instant tea mix.You could try it with cocoa.I didn't.But it will settle to the bottom,and stick to the sides of the cup, even in hot water. Sipping it with a strong lemony instant tea mix was not bad.
You could probably also buy it in capsules.But then you couldn't control the dosage as much.
I would take it easy at first.Always better to under do something until you get a feeling for how it will effect you personally.

Now to wrap up.To provide the usual disclaimer.
Of course you should never do anything illegal,or naughty.
I'm not encouraging you to take any drug,or supplement.That's your choice.
Talk to your doctor.(Really that wouldn't be a bad idea.)


My final word is;I do think Kratom should remain legal.
I'm concerned about the people who are trying to stay,or become, more functional.
Why punish them?
It would do far more harm than good at this point to ban it.

Personal Pain Experience.

And it's all personal.We're all limited to our own subjective experience of our pain.We can bitch about it to others.But we're the ones stuck with it.
Of course there's emotional pain.It can be every bit as horrible as physical pain.But this is about physical pain,and exercise.
About how you learn what the depths,and limits are.

It seems so easy when you're young.You know what pain is by instinct,and you avoid it.The doctor comes at you with a needle,and you cry and hide behind your momma.At least I did.I'm lucky I was successfully immunized.Actually I was a very healthy child.I did get a few injuries.But nothing major.
When I was young my mother would complain about her discomforts.She had me when she was forty years old. My father was forty three.Naturally conceived.What are the odds?
My point of view has usually skewed older.I feel rather 'out of time'.
But I guess I must have taken my youth for granted.I believe most of us must.The aches,and pains will inevitably increase with age.
My mother would say her hips hurt her.She was having trouble sleeping because of it."My hip hurt so bad last night it almost killed me."She may have been slightly melodramatic,but she wasn't making it up.I believed her.Told her I was sorry.But I don't think I really understood how bad it was.

When I was a teenager I started playing tennis.Running around hard courts.Not fast either.I'm not a good runner.But very good form on my strokes.Shame I couldn't get around the court better.I may have been a decent player.Forgive me for a little brag.But my teaching pro said my backhand looked like an Ivan Lendl copy.That's who I was trying for.( Lendl or Edberg )
A few years in I noticed I was having some incidences of hip pain.It felt like the hip joint was biting on the nerve.Sharp stingers that would shoot down the leg.
Sciatica
It's pretty common.And no doubt inherited in my case.
It can be a genuine pain in the ass.

All this time I've been weight lifting too.On and off.I don't want to give the impression I've lifted day in,and day out  year after year.I've been involved with other things.Didn't have the enthusiasm.Didn't make the effort.
But in recent years I've been more dedicated.Which is great.
The benefits far outweigh the negatives.
But one of the questions I have is does it make my pain better?
Because the sad fact is it's gotten worse over the years.I think you could label it chronic at this point.
There are good,and bad days.But I can feel the discomfort in my back,and hips ( left particularly ) most of the time.
I do take pain killers when I need them.
I've taken Aspirin,Ibuprofen,and Hydrocodone.

My first experience with opioids was an attack of kidney stones when I was about thirty.It just hit me one evening.Bizarre unimaginable pain.I ended up in the ER where they gave me a shot of demerol.It felt like having the full tension of a set of piano strings released.
I was given some hydrocodone to take at home.I did take it when needed.I did not pop the whole bottle of pills down my throat like candy.That bottle lasted awhile.The stone passed.
I've passed a few of them since then.I,and you,would have to take strong pain killers to get through it.
It's like passing a sticky burr down a piece of spaghetti.It's excruciating.
An emergency room doctor told me he had women who had both experiences say kidney stones hurt worse to get out of your body than a baby.
Now I'm really glad I never had kids.
But seriously.The pain of kidney stones is bloody awful.
Having the medication on hand keeps me from needing to make an expensive trip to the hospital.

To get the point of the issue.I was a very strict young person.I didn't use illegal drugs.I didn't smoke.
I didn't drink more than a few times in my twenties.I worked out,and tried to eat well.
I was born to be the designated driver.
I don't party.
It's a family joke how unwild I am.
I don't take drugs lightly.But I've changed my views.I have nothing but sympathy for people who have to treat intense,or chronic pain with medication that's beyond over the counter.
I used to chew down enough aspirin to kill a horse.it gets to the point where you have to use more effective substances.

Pain sufferers are not criminals.Some may be addicted,or dependent.I'm as sorry as anyone else to see people die of opioid overdoses.I don't want to see the irresponsible over prescription of drugs.
But I'm sensing the onset of another case of destructive moral panic coming on in America.It wouldn't be the first.We seem to have a sad predilection for them.Americans hate the appearance of moral incontinence.All the while being surprising selfish at the same time.A puritanical,and individualistic nation can lead to some weird convictions.
I just hope that the greedy sensationalistic media doesn't keep careening out of control on this issue.This can't be turned into another case of hysterical click bait.
Why the hell can't we be rational about serious issues?
I'm sick of seeing politicians scampering to get ahead of a fear herd for votes.
Criminalize marijuana.Criminalize Anabolic Steroids.Now the DEA is moving toward criminalizing kratom.Here we go again.We grant the idea of personal freedom like a ticket you're not allowed to cash in.And people will keep trying to get what they want,and need.
And doctors are being accused of being drug pushers.Big Pharma.What a mess.What a complicated problem.Money making drug companies?Yes.True.But they do so much to relieve human suffering too.I know there are corrupt,and just plain lousy, doctors too.But most of them are not.They're overworked,and under pressure to function as a profitable part of the health care system.I don't think the vast majority are careless of harming patients.

The problem is physical.The human body deteriorates over time.The baseline changes.The baseline is not pain free any more.The baseline may not be manageable without treatment.
I certainly hope for progress in drug development too.

So I have to care.because it effects me.It's not just somebody else's problem.
I don't want to be treated like a self indulgent weakling because I have pain,and need to manage it.
Maybe I've made it worse by over training.That's a real possibility.
I could go on about the evidence on the benefits,and risks of weight training with chronic pain.
I'm going to say in my case the benefits win.I can lift heavy weights,and function.I think it keeps me ahead of the limitations that could set in.
I'm going to keep trying to build muscle,and strength.At least keep all I can.
My mother didn't play sports,or exercise much.I wish she had.
So I think I would have had the probably congenital low back,and hip pain anyway.
I'll keep working to hopefully improve my body under the circumstances.It's an ongoing process.

This is just one of the big issues in weight lifting.Something is going to give eventually.It's individual what it's going to be.